In Your Own World: Perception and Reality

“We do not see things as they are, but as we are.” This quote, often attributed to Anaïs Nin, sums it up perfectly: each person lives in their own reality. Our perception is colored by our experiences, beliefs, and even our momentary feelings. Two people can experience exactly the same thing and still see or feel something completely different. In everyday life, we constantly encounter examples of this – sometimes funny, sometimes disturbing.

Everyone Lives in Their Own Reality

Immanuel Kant believed that we cannot truly know the world as it is, but only through our subjective interpretation of it. In other words, what we consider “reality” is always constructed by our own minds. Friedrich Nietzsche, who provocatively said, “There are no facts, only interpretations,” echoes this idea. It sounds extreme at first, but it accurately describes how strongly our perspective influences everything we hold to be true.

A classic example from daily life is optical illusions. Do you remember the internet phenomenon “The Dress” from 2015? Millions of people argued over whether a particular dress in a photo was blue-black or white-gold. Each person was convinced of their version – and was baffled that others saw it completely differently. These perceptual phenomena show how our brains process information in different ways.

Another example: imagine two colleagues who arrive at work on a cloudy day. One grumbles, “What a grey mess, this day is ruined.” The other smiles and says, “Finally some cool down from the heat.” Both are under the same sky, but each lives in their own reality – the pessimist in a gloomy world, the optimist in a relaxed one. Mood, expectations, and filters influence what we perceive. Psychologists call this cognitive bias. A well-known thinking error is confirmation bias – we tend to only perceive information that confirms our existing views. Anything that doesn’t fit the picture is unconsciously ignored. This is how each person creates their own “fitting” reality.

The Powerholder in the Filter Bubble: Putin’s World

An extreme example of living in your own reality is provided by Vladimir Putin – at least according to reports from many media and intelligence agencies. Putin is said to surround himself only with yes-men and filtered information. Uncomfortable truths rarely reach him. It’s said that his advisers are afraid to give him bad news, so he often gets a distorted view of the situation. This sounds almost like a king who only wants to hear what he likes. In fact, reports claim that the Russian president had a long-lasting misconception about the reality of the war in Ukraine because no one dared to tell him the truth. If the delivered analyses didn’t suit him, the messengers were replaced – or so the story goes. And if you think this also applies to Donald Trump or Elon Musk, you’re probably not far off, except in their case it’s not the advisers/analysts but the algorithms that form their filter bubble.

Imagine this: A man sits at the head of a country and, in a way, lives in a filter bubble he has created for himself. Anything that doesn’t fit his view is dismissed or ignored. The result? Wrong decisions with real consequences for everyone else. In Putin’s case, an entire country – and Ukraine too – suffers from the consequences of this distorted perception. Isolation at the top can lead to someone living in their own world, disconnected from the reality of most people. The famous saying “Power corrupts” could be extended to say, “… and it distorts perception.”

But before we focus too much on autocrats and oligarchs, this principle can also be found in everyday life.

Elegance in the Eye of the Beholder

Maybe you know someone who has terrible fashion sense but believes they are the epitome of style. Picture person X walking around in socks and sandals, a shirt with questionable patterns tucked into faded jeans, and feeling like the star of the day. They might even wonder why no one admires their “elegance.” Meanwhile, the people around them secretly think, “Oh no, doesn’t he have a mirror at home?”

These discrepancies between self-perception and how others perceive us happen all the time. Often, there’s no malice involved – person X really sees themselves differently than we do. Maybe they genuinely think their outfit is stylish because it’s comfortable or because they simply have a different taste. A little psychology here? There’s the Dunning-Kruger effect, which describes how people with little competence in a certain area tend to massively overestimate their ability. Hmm, am I doing the same by writing my opinions in this blog? Perhaps some readers might think so. Back to the example: When it comes to fashion, people with poor style often don’t notice it and might even think of themselves as particularly stylish. Our brains can really lead us astray sometimes.

Of course, fashion sense and politics are two completely different matters. But in both cases, we see the phenomenon: people construct their own reality. Person X believes they are a fashion icon – this belief is their reality. To others, it’s more like a strange parallel world they live in. Such a person might still be laughed at or shrugged off. It becomes more difficult when someone’s personal reality leads them down dangerous paths.

Conspiracy Theorists: Feeling Safe in an Uncertain Worldview

We’ve all encountered people who strongly believe in massive conspiracies – whether it’s a “secret world government,” chemtrails in the sky, or the belief that the Earth is flat. To outsiders, such claims seem absurd. But for conspiracy theorists, these are facts – their facts. What drives someone into such a reality?

Often, it’s fear and uncertainty. Psychologists have found that in times of stress and a lack of control, more people tend to believe in conspiracy theories. When the real world seems chaotic and threatening, a simple explanation – “It’s the evil forces behind the scenes” – paradoxically provides comfort. A study showed, for instance, that feelings of helplessness or fear make people more susceptible to conspiracy thinking. Suddenly, the world seems to make sense again because there is a clear enemy to blame for all the ills. The mind sorts it out: If these villains weren’t around, everything would be fine! This thinking provides stability in a complicated reality.

It’s no surprise that conspiracy believers often cling so fiercely to their ideas. It’s about more than facts – it’s about their sense of security and worldview. That’s why some are willing to fight for it, or even die for it. Think of fanatical cults or the so-called “Querdenker” (lateral thinkers), who would rather risk their lives than abandon their convictions. Their own “truth” becomes their life’s purpose, their identity. When someone questions this supposed truth, they feel existentially threatened. This explains why discussions with hardcore conspiracy theorists often end in disaster: any counter-information is seen as part of the conspiracy – in the believer’s mind, everything fits into the scheme. Confirmation bias plays a role here: people only notice what confirms the conspiracy and overlook everything else.

A sad but instructive example comes from the 1950s when psychologist Leon Festinger studied an end-of-the-world cult that believed a great flood was coming. When the predicted catastrophe didn’t happen, the cult members didn’t give up their belief. On the contrary – they claimed to have saved the world through their prayers and became even more convinced of their faith. This famous study (“When Prophecy Fails”) shows how people can cling to their own reality even when faced with clear contradictions. Cognitive dissonance – the inner tension when facts don’t match beliefs – is creatively resolved to preserve the worldview.

Encounters with Other Realities

Not all cases are based on ideologies or beliefs. Sometimes we encounter people who, due to illness or drugs, are living in a completely different reality. I remember an ex-girlfriend who suffered from a mental illness. She was convinced that the neighbors were listening to her through the walls and that TV news broadcasts contained secret messages meant just for her. To me and everyone else, this seemed like utter nonsense – to her, it was terrifying reality. She actually heard voices through the wall and saw codes in every news broadcast. It was as if we were living in two different worlds, even though we sat next to each other on the same couch.

In such cases, psychiatrists speak of psychosis. People in an acute psychosis perceive the world extremely distorted – hallucinations and delusions become their personal reality. Experts say that the affected person “lives in a different reality.” What we perceive as mere air might be, for someone with hallucinations, a clear voice giving commands. What seems like a harmless shadow to us might appear to them as a monster. Their senses and brain create a reality that feels absolutely real to them – and therefore, it can be frightening or confusing.

The tragic part is that these people often don’t realize from within that their perception is deceiving them. You can’t just tell a psychosis patient, “You’re imagining this, it’s not real” – it won’t help. On the contrary, directly confronting them (“It’s all not real!”) usually leads to conflicts. To them, it is real. Only gentle treatment, possibly with medication, can help bring their perception closer to consensual reality.

Such experiences make you reflect: How stable is our own relationship to reality? When you’ve seen someone cling so firmly to their false perception, you can’t help but wonder…

Am I the Crazy One?

Hand on heart: Have you ever asked yourself if your own perception is accurate? As crazy as it sounds, sometimes, after talking to people who see things completely differently, you scratch your head and think, “Am I living in a parallel world, or are they?” When I discuss things with a die-hard conspiracy theorist or a hardcore populist who has a completely opposite version of all my facts, I sometimes get a fleeting thought: What if they’re right and I’m wrong?

This is actually a healthy reaction. The philosopher René Descartes even went as far as doubting everything – even the existence of the outside world – until he found a secure foundation (“I think, therefore I am”). He essentially asked, How do I know a bad demon isn’t deceiving me about all my impressions? These radical doubts helped him find reliable knowledge. For everyday people like us, even a little doubt is enough to protect us from blind dogmatism.

No one thinks they’re crazy – that’s the tricky part. If someone were to realize they were crazy, they probably wouldn’t be crazy… Crazy people usually think they are normal, and often, they think everyone else is crazy. This paradox constantly accompanies the topic of perception and reality. That’s why self-reflection is so important. The ancient philosopher Socrates is said to have said: “I know that I know nothing.” He meant that true wisdom lies in recognizing the limits of our own knowledge. Applied to our perception, we could say: I should always be aware that my view of things might be distorted or incomplete.

What is “Normal”? Dialogues with Those Who Think Differently

In recent years, with societal debates becoming more heated, you often wonder: what is really “normal”? If I’m debating with a staunch populist – someone who dismisses all mainstream media as fake news and believes in their own version of the truth – two worlds collide. Both sides believe they’re right and in the “normal state.” But obviously, both can’t be right if their realities conflict.

We shouldn’t forget that normality is often simply what the majority shares. Perception that lies within the norm means that most people agree on certain basic facts and interpretations. For example, most of us see the sky as blue, believe the Earth is round, and agree that 2+2 equals 4. This gives us a framework for a shared reality. If someone comes along and insists the sky is green and 2+2 equals 5 – we can be pretty sure they’re wrong, not us.

However, things get trickier when it comes to more complex issues: political views, societal problems, historical events. In these areas, there often isn’t a clear-cut “right” or “wrong,” but perspectives. Populists tend to offer simple answers to complex questions. Their followers often live in so-called filter bubbles, where they only hear information and opinions that confirm their viewpoint. Thanks to social media and specialized news outlets, everyone can now live in their own info-world. This creates the impression of two parallel realities: in my bubble, everything seems logical and consistent, while in yours, it might seem crazy – and vice versa.

How do you know if your perception lies “within the norm”? One indicator could be a reality check with others. If ten reasonable people independently tell me I’m likely wrong about a certain assumption, it’s worth listening. It doesn’t automatically mean the majority is always right (history and science know enough cases where only a few recognized the truth at first). But it should at least make us pause.

Also, it helps to look at hard facts: empirical evidence, verifiable data. Despite all the constructivist philosophy, we still need to accept something like objective reality in everyday life, or we’d go crazy. If my feeling says “I have a fever,” I’ll trust the thermometer showing 36.5°C more than my subjective sense. Translated into discussions: we can try to agree on facts that can be verified. It remains tricky, though, because even facts are interpreted differently by different camps (see Nietzsche above).

Maybe, in the end, “normal” isn’t the best goal. Openness is better. Regularly questioning our own perception is a sign of mental health. Anyone who stubbornly claims they are never wrong risks losing touch with shared reality.

Food for Thought: Building Bridges Between Worlds

We all face the challenge of dealing with people who live in their own reality. How can we approach them?

Empathy is a good starting point. Let’s try to understand why the other person feels and thinks the way they do. Often, as mentioned, fear, uncertainty, or a specific need is behind it. A confrontational approach (“You’re wrong, wake up!”) rarely helps. It’s better to ask questions, show interest, and perhaps gently offer alternative perspectives. No one likes to spontaneously leave their little world behind; but you can open windows and doors within it.

And what about our own reality? How do we regularly check if we’re still grounded in facts? Here are a few ideas:

• Talk to others: Engaging with people outside our bubble – with different backgrounds, opinions, and experiences – works wonders. It keeps the mind flexible and grounded when we’re in danger of drifting away.

• Change your information sources: Try reading media that don’t exactly match your position. Critically, but openly. This helps avoid the filter bubble becoming too tight.

• Question yourself: Whenever you feel, “I know this for sure!” take a little reality test. Could I be wrong? Are there facts I might have overlooked? The willingness to correct one’s opinion is like a muscle that can be trained.

• Stay grounded in everyday life: Sometimes just meeting friends, going to work, or pursuing hobbies helps prevent falling into abstract thought spirals. Being grounded makes it less likely that you’ll lose yourself completely in a make-believe world.

In the end, perhaps the realization is this: truth has many facets. Our perception is never completely objective – but thankfully, we can help each other illuminate blind spots. The big question “What is really real?” might be endlessly discussed by philosophers. For us in everyday life, what matters is that we find a shared understanding where it’s important – and remain tolerant when others just happen to see things differently.

Each of us lives a bit in our own bubble. The important thing is that we don’t lose connection with the other bubbles. Because living completely alone in our reality might feel comfortable, but we humans live in community, and there we must build bridges between our little worlds.

So let’s think about it every now and then: How does my world look, and how does the world of others look? And perhaps, we can meet halfway in a reality we share.